When I started to work with individuals years ago, I always began with a list of resentments. I attribute the impact of the exercise on me from my exposure to the 12 steps in my early days of struggle with emotional issues. I have come to believe through my own research that resentments (although there is no discussion of this in the 12 step process) happens within a person whenever they feel limited in some way and that resentment is always projected unto the person or situation that seemingly imposed that limitation. From a parenting point of view, its nearly impossible to avoid your children resenting you for one thing or another when we consider that part of the parental role is to set boundaries which includes saying “no” at times. How this parenting model is established will obviously contribute to the degree of resentment that is accumulated in the child that inadvertently grows into a wounded adult.
Since the conditioning years are all about feeling limited is some way, resentment is part of the human experience and regardless of where you are in your memories of your childhood, I can assure you that if you dig deep enough you will ﬁnd a thing or two that upset you about your parents or caregivers.
This exercise is about getting those resentment out once and for all with the intention of clearing it from our cellular memory and subconscious programming. This is a good time to emphasize that there is no such thing as a justiﬁed resentment, all of our pain must go regardless of where it came from, if we want to be free.
Personal Assignment to be completed before moving to the next section: (Note: Please write 2 separate lists)
- Make a list of resentments/upsets about your father / male caregiver
- 2. Make a list of resentments/upsets about your mother / female caregiver
Please be as thorough as you can. You can record felt experiences, thoughts, and events that come to mind as you reﬂect about your childhood. When you sit down to write, set an intention for yourself to allow your memories to ﬂow and trust the process. Its amazing what we can start to recall when we allow ourselves to focus. I would also invite you to be gentle, this can be a painful exercise, so have self- compassion as you write and pace yourself.